A Grateful Husband

An old farmer, dictating his will to a lawyer, said -

"I give and bequeath to my wife the sum of £100 a year. Is that writ down, master?"

"Yes," said the lawyer; "but she is not so old but she may marry again. Won't you make any change in that case? Most people do."

"Ah, do they? Well, write again and say if my wife marry again, I give and bequeath her the sum of £200 a year. That'll do, surely?"

"Why, that's just doubling the sum she would have had if she had remained unmarried," said the lawyer; "it's generally the other way."

"Ay, I ken that," said the farmer; "but him that takes her for a wife again will need it a'."

A Home Thrust

A certain session-clerk and teacher in a Scottish village had acquired the unfortunate habit of taking a dram too much. His wife, as a matter of course, was much distressed on this account, and frequently remonstrated with him on the impropriety of his conduct; but he turned the point of her rebuke by simply exclaiming -

"It's very true, gudewife, that I whiles put mysel' aff the straicht wi' a gill or twa, and it taks another ane to get me plum again; but d'ye no ken, woman, that if it hadna been for that bit faut o' mine, ye ne'er wad hae been my wife at a'?"